***Disclaimer to this post being a garbled up mess of thoughts so I can sleep***
I wish I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up. I wish I would have made many many many of my choices differently. I wish I could undo so much. I wish it was easy to start over. I wish there was a way to start over. I wish for a happy ending that I don't see ever happening.
It is like looking in the mirror everyday and seeing it written all over my face all over again. I think everyone else sees what I see when I look at myself, but in reality this is not true most of the time.
Even tho what was said should kinda go with the "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" thing but it doesn't. Its more like "stuck like glue" to me and has become a little to much my reality. Maybe people really do just sugar coat the truth to me, maybe I am not a who/what I think I am.
Maybe I am a bigger mess then I let on. Maybe you just totally tripped me and I didn't fall at all. Maybe this is exactly what I need, but everything I didn't expect all at the same time. Maybe you are just like the rest ((and trust me that is what I think right now)) or maybe your words really mean something. I mean everyone wants to be happy right.
I think this is all just a million time harder now or maybe its because I don't even know how to do it all anymore. I know over the past year a lot has changed and that it will never happen that way again.
How can life be so screwed up, all I want is my life back the way it was but I don't even know what that was anymore. I never want it like it was, but I do all at the same time. How can something be a dream come true and a perfect disaster? How can someone be perfect to you and your biggest regret? How can you feel so alone when you are constantly surrounded by people?
~~I just want to know what is true and who is real and I want a dream come true and a perfect disaster~~
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